she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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