the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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