Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
