after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
