Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
