I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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