Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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