So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
