My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
