Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
