I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
