he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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