Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
