we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
