Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
