my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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