Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
