i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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