I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
