When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
