I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
false alarm. still invincible.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
