I never want to see another naked old woman again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
