You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
