she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
