I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize