So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
