just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize