I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
