my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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