I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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