he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
