my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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