Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
