youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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