is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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