You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
