did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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