Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
