The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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