Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
