I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
