so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
