areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
