Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
