I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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