I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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