Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
