I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
