I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
