Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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