Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
