i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
