I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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