how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
