Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
