I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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