I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
