I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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