Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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