I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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