haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Houston, we have a blender
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
