what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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