We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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