Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
