We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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