Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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