my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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