Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
