i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
