It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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