im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She bit a glass in half.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
3pm strippers are depressing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
