Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize