Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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