Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize