Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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