I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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