I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
