..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
