She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
